How to last longer in bed - Keep 👏 it 👏 up 👏

Note: Here are a few techniques to start with. If it’s affecting you or your relationship, seek professional support. 

People often have different ideas of what cumming ‘too quickly’ means. For some, it’s finishing within seconds of penetration. For others, five minutes feels too short. Generally climaxing within one minute of penetration/stimulation is considered ‘premature’ ejaculation. The good news is that there’s so much you can do to build more choice and control for when you climax.

Let’s look at a few key techniques…

1. Awareness: Often with premature ejaculation, people don’t know they’re cumming until they’re actually cumming. With awareness, we work to bring mindfulness to the body to assess and calm the arousal system (and ultimately, last longer). If you tend to feel anxious, distracted or overwhelmed before sex, bringing awareness to your body is a helpful first step. Try a body scan. Spend 5 minutes tuning into your body and its sensations, starting at your feet and working up to your head (feet, calves, knees, thighs and so on). It’s simple but effective, if you need a guided practice – I’ve got a link to meditations in my bio. 

2. Regulation: By learning to up and down-regulate arousal, you’re better able to control and stimulate your pleasure centres. Breath is a great tool for this kind of regulation. Try box breathing:

Breathe in for four seconds

Hold for four seconds

Breathe out for four seconds

Hold for four seconds

Repeat

3. Kegels! A strengthening practice for the PC (pubococcygeus muscle). Learning how to engage and release your PC can help delay or control ejaculation in the same way that it stops you from peeing. 

Just Learning? Next time you go to pee, do a Kegel contraction just before you let go, aiming to hold the contraction for a few seconds.

Kegel Pro? Try to do two kegels twice a day when you pee. Some people choose to do kegels every time they stop at a traffic light, or, even better, practice kegels while masturbating.  

4. Edging: The practice of moving towards and away from orgasm during masturbation. It’s helpful to think of 0 as neutral, 1 as when you have an erection and 10 as orgasm. 5, for example, is a halfway point where you’re enjoying yourself but aren’t super close to orgasm. When you’re edging, you build your arousal to about a 7 or 8, then down regulate arousal to to a 5 but with slowing or stopping touch, lengthening your breath and slowing or stopping movement. When you feel ready, you build arousal back up again. Set a timer for 5 mins (or whatever feels achievable for you to start with) and experiment within this time, allowing yourself to release into climax when the timer goes.  

Bonus point! Cock rings are a great aid for strengthening and elongating erections. Check Normal’s Flynn for an easy starting point.