Feel Good Naked - You deserve it!
Read on for my tips on improving body confidence in bed whilst enhancing pleasure, communication & satisfaction.
Why don’t people feel good naked? It’s really common to experience negative thoughts about your body – in fact, almost everyone feels this way at some point in their life. There are myriad reasons people don’t feel good naked, including (but not limited to):
Societal expectations around how bodies should look
Fatphobia – stigma, judgement and negative views against people who have bodies larger than a ‘standard’ size
Social media
Past experiences of trauma/abuse
Low self worth or self-esteem
Lack of visibility of body diversity
Cultural ideals that encourage restrictive thoughts around food, movement & the body
Homophobia, transphobia, biphobia and acephobia – stigma, judgement and negative views on LGBTQIA+ community
How does it affect sex?
Our body confidence is directly related to our sexual experience including but not limited to: how comfortable we feel receiving, how deserving we feel of pleasure and how connected we are to our bodies.
This is a super complex topic – and everyone’s experience is so different – however, there are a few ways we can all work on feeling better naked…
Shifting our focus – body
You may find it helpful to explore the idea of body neutrality: a state of acceptance and respect for your body that attends to how it feels – it’s capacity for pleasure, presence and receptivity – rather than how it looks. To practice body neutrality, you could try meditating on ideas of acceptance and treating your body with compassion and curiosity.
Alternatively, body positivity can be a powerful practice – a movement started by fat liberation activists in the 1960’s celebrating all bodies regardless of size, colour, shape or gender. If you like the idea of body positivity, you might try practising positive affirmations, re-framing your thoughts around your body, and challenging ways of thinking that feel negative to you.
Shifting our focus – sex
We call this horizontalising the value of your physical body. While bodies are involved in sex (and yes, it’s amazing to feel comfortable in your own skin) – the physical body has nothing to do with sexual worth. It may be helpful to rewrite your sexual script here – reflecting on the reasons you value sex, what makes it fulfilling and why it’s important to you e.g. experiencing pleasure, connection, playfulness, fun, stress relief etc.
Some techniques to try:
Reflect: on messages you’ve received about your body – where did these ideas come from? How have they evolved?
Learn: do research into body diversity (specifically useful to research genital diversity!)
Examine & challenge: any thoughts that are no longer helpful about your body or genitals.
Masturbate: Access feel good endorphins + permission for pleasure and release.
Speak to your body as if it was a friend or the younger version of you: communicating with love, care and appreciation.
Make a list of things you love and value about yourself, outside of your body.
Prioritise safe, body positive/body neutral, inclusive, shame-free, pleasure focused content & messages - cull the messages that aren’t useful
Mirror work: a powerful tool for discovery & exploration. In a private, comfortable space take a mirror and gaze at your genitals (with compassion & non-judgement) for as long as like.
Patience: Change is a process - be gentle, give yourself time to explore what pleasure and presence means to you.
Speak to a professional: You deserve support, encouragement & help. If you find body confidence is impacting day-to-day life, reach out to a trusted professional.
Want more?
This is just the tip of the body-confidence ice-berg. To learn more about body confidence, check out our free course I launched with Normal here.