Helping Your Partner Release Into Pleasure
“We rush into f*cking” - It’s really common for my clients to say they rush into penetrative sex. When they do, it seems to alleviate any guilt or shame around receiving pleasure – whether that’s good head, slow touch, a long kiss etc. It’s up to everyone involved to create a safe environment for shared experiences of giving and receiving, allowing each to release into what feels good and communicate how things can feel even better. Here are three helpful ideas to support your partner own their pleasure.
For most people, knowing their partner enjoys touching their body / giving them pleasure is an important precursor to release into receiving.
There are a few things we can do to encourage our partner to be in the moment, get out of their head and tune into the sexy, fun times at hand…
Clear, affirmative language. Use supportive language while pleasuring a partner to encourage release – confirming that you’re into it + you’ve got the time, space and energy to give. You could try something like:
“I love the way you taste”
“It turns me on eating you out/going down on you/insert your fave thing here and I’ll tell you if I need to pause or take a break”
“You feel so good like that”
“There’s no rush – I’ve got all day/night for this”
“You don’t have to worry about me - I’ll let you know if I need a break"
“How can we make this feel even better for you?”
Less pressure, more pleasure. Work together to remove any sense of time or climax pressure. Many will be familiar with feeling like we need to perform our pleasure for others – I often hear “I don't want to make them feel like they’re not doing a good job”. And whilst a quick orgasm can be fun – placing a time limit on how fast you should/shouldn’t get there will make sex more of a performance than an experience.
Note: If you find yourself short on time, set an alarm and end your sesh when the timer goes.
Two to tango. We recently did a poll and found 94% of people they like it when their partner tells them what they want. A lot of the time we’re just guessing what feels good for them, or inferring from the way they’re moving, moaning or breathing. If you can communicate what you’re into – the speed, rhythm, pace or type of touch you like – it can be a helpful mirror, encouraging your partner to share equally while creating an open, playful and non-judgemental space to explore.